Justin, Heather and Harold Review Bad Video Games!
by ForeverTheTorturedRebel
Summary: Just like the title suggests, Total Drama's favorite Eye Candy, Queen Bee and Uber-Nerd play the most god-awful video games ever made and they review it for your viewing and gag-inducing displeasure! Best of all, you get to vote the next bad video game you wanna see them review next! Warning: Rated M for Strong Language! Inspired by The Angry Video Game Nerd. Chapter 7 is up!
1. Ch 1: Custer's Revenge

**"Justin, Heather and Harold Review Bad Video Games!"  
**

**Rated M for Strong Language  
**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Total Drama series or anything that's associated with the Angry Video Game Nerd.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 1: Custer's Revenge  
**

Somehow, the camera seems to be closed up in Harold's room. Somehow, the camera seems to enter what seems to be Harold's basement, where there is a huge library of video games scattered all over the place. All of them are either Nintendo, Super Nintendo, Sega Genesis, or Atari 2600 games. We see three certain people from the Total Drama series surrounding a huge definition TV and as the camera closes up to them, Harold decides to speak first.

"Hey..." Harold said as he wheezed a bit, "This is our web show where we review horribly bad video games... and that's pretty much it. I'm Harold... GOSH!"

"I'm Heather. I'm known as the Queen Bee of the group." Heather said right to the camera.

"And I'm Justin! The only reason why I'm on here it's because I add sex appeal to the show. And it's working." Justin said with a wink to the camera.

"And inspired by the Angry Video Game Nerd, we've decided to pull off our horrible video game reviewing show of our own! Sorry, we couldn't come up with a title, since I sorta sneezed on the paper. We were busy drawing the title choices out of a hat and we didn't have time." Harold said as he felt disappointment in his face.

"Next time, I think of the title itself!" Heather exclaimed angrily to Harold, who sniffled.

"Yeah, dude." Justin said to Harold as well, "Let's just put in the game already."

"Fine! Idiot!" Harold exclaimed as he grabbed a Atari 2600 game which happened to be the title called 'Custer's Revenge', one of the first adult-oriented games. The nerd turned right into the camera and showed everyone watching at home the game. "Okay, the first game we're gonna review today is a title by the name of "Custer's Revenge". Of course, it was based on General George Armstrong Custer, one of the most famous generals in the American Civil war, which was fought in..."

"Nobody gives a fuck, Harold! Just turn on the game!" Heather exclaimed as she cut the nerd off rudely.

"Fine, fine! Don't have a bird!" Harold exclaimed with irritation as he put the game right in the Atari 2600.

The game screen appeared onto the TV, seeing what seems to be a naked man with pretty much an erect penis and wearing a general Civil War hat. Justin somehow let out a pretty shocking laugh.

"Holy crap! He's frickin' naked!" Justin laughed.

"What kind of a game is this?" Heather said as she was so much offended by the naked general, "His penis looks like a fuckin' finger!"

"It looks like it to me. It's like the smallest penis in gaming history. GOSH!" Harold exclaimed as he now started to move his character forward while Justin kept on talking as if.

"Okay, get this people... you're General Custer and the only thing you have to do is to just avoid arrows having to rain down right on you. Okay, I've never seen this game in my life, but I'm starting to get the hang of this. All that happens is that you just have to avoid them for as long as you can until you die." Justin said as Harold started to dodge a few arrows through a couple of screens.

"Okay, so far, I'm still in the clear!" Harold exclaimed as he yet dodged a few more arrows and past a couple of screens.

"Is this what this total shit-fest is all about? Just dodging arrows?" Heather complained.

"I'm afraid it is what it is." Justin connected with a smirk as Harold finally got to the final screen where it showed a small nude Native American woman waiting for the general while being tied to a pole. Heather was once again offended as usual.

"My god, is she naked too? What kind of fucking Indian shit is this? It's like a bad Civil War porno!" Heather said with a serious chuckle.

"Heh, I guess kids were knowing to see what digitized sex really looked like in the 80's..." Justin chuckled a bit before Harold's character finally dodged a few arrows before finally getting to the nude Indian woman.

But then, in an instant, both the general and the hot Indian woman started doing it! Fucking like crazy on top of a desert. Both Justin and Harold all had satisfaction on their faces while Heather still looked very much disgusted.

"My god! Who in the hell made this unholy shit-bomb of a game?" Heather raised her eyebrow as she still saw the horny general bang the Indian harder than gangbusters. "I would rather roll up a piece of moldy banana alongside a crusty dog turd and have a diseased hobo smoke it than to watch this filth."

"Since when did you suddenly become so feminist?" Harold said right to Heather as he still focused on the digitized pair just getting it on.

"I'm not that feminist!" Heather said with such accused exclamation. "I just think it's sick that it's just two lumpy digitized human begins doing it. I prefer real sex over this horrible nutbag of a sex game. I can't even believe you guys are actually enjoying it!"

"Dude, how on earth can people say it's a horrible game when this game is really hot?" Justin chuckled once again as the horny general and the hot Indian still kept going at it like gangbusters, "Boy, was this a mistake when everyone trashed this game."

After Justin and Harold were still fixated with the horrible sexrape of a video game, Heather seemed to look right into the 'Custer's Revenge' game box.

"The game's literature states 'if the kids catch you and should ask, tell them Custer and the maiden are just dancing.'" Heather read right at the game box as Justin and Harold were still laughing like horny hard-on wolves. "It sure as hell doesn't look like dancing to me, it's more like humping..."

"Yep! This is a shit-load of fun! I'm calling Geoff on the phone and see if he wants to come over! Not a sexual term if you call it that." Justin said right to Heather as he soon left out of the basement. Knowing that she's already bored with this, Heather turned to the camera and finally gave her opinion.

"So far, 'Custer's Revenge' is a horrible stinkload that it feels like a piece of shit just taking a shit. It just features a general going to have sex with a Native American again, again, and again while trying to avoid digitized strapons that looks too much like pointy arrows. So if you don't want the slightest chance of getting gonorrhea or chlamydia, then I suggest you avoid this game. So far, I give this horrible excuse of Civil War sex 0.5 out of 5 stars. Case closed, now I'm going to the can and taking a dump just to regret what I saw. Harold, you coming?"

Heather suddenly turned to the nerd who was still fixated by blocky video game sex. Heather even tried to wave her hand just to make Harold snap it out from his little dream world.

"Oh, why in the porcupine's butthole do I even bother talking to him...?" Heather spoke to herself as she left the room which still left Harold zombified as fuck on earth itself.

"Boobies..." Harold said in a zombified voice, which closed out the first episode in zombified glory.**  
**

* * *

**Heh, no wonder the Atari 2600 died out 30 years ago! Hmmmm, I wonder why? We'll find out the truth later in the story.  
**

**Anyway, which horrible video game you wanna see the trio review next?  
**

**American Gladiators for the Super Nintendo  
**

**or  
**

**Double Dare for the Nintendo Entertainment System  
**

**Make sure you read and review, everyone! I hope the Angry Video Game Nerd is impressed by this!  
**


	2. Ch 2: Double Dare

**"Justin, Heather and Harold Review Bad Video Games!"  
**

**Rated M for Very Strong Language  
**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Total Drama series or anything that's associated with the Angry Video Game Nerd. Just so you know, Harold will play the game and Heather and Justin will commentate on what's going on.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 2: Double Dare  
**

Harold looked around in his huge game cabinet full of games and managed to pull out one that happened to be from a 1980's game show.

"Ah, there we go, Double Dare!" Harold exclaimed, "I feel like I'm going right to the 80's with this one!"

"Yeah, are you gonna stare at it like a shit-throwing monkey, or are you just gonna put it in?" Heather said, already feeling bored out of his mind.

"Fine, no need to get your thong in a bunch! Fucker!" Harold exclaimed as the camera focused right on Justin, who soon turned to give the latest backstory of the game they were gonna review.

"Okay, people. For those of you who aren't familiar with the game company known as GameTek, theywere known in the late 80's and late 90's for putting out games based on popular game shows. For example, we had Jeopardy, Wheel of Fortune, American Gladiators, and now... we have Double Dare." Justin said truthfully to the camera as he continued on. "Double Dare was based on this popular Nickelodeon game show in the 1980's that spawned four incarnations. First, we had the original Double Dare, then it was followed by Super Sloppy Double Dare, then we finally had Family Double Dare in the 90's, and in the 2000s, we had the suckish Double Dare 2000. So what must you be thinking right now? Could this game possibly be as better than all the three combined? Well, let's all find out shall we? Harold, start the game!"

Harold followed what Justin said and turned on the NES. Somehow, the 8-bit version of the Double Dare theme song began to play.

"Well, at least the song sounds alike on the TV show. That's the fucking best part of it so far." Heather scoffed a bit.

Harold then pressed on to see what seemed to be a video game version of Double Dare host Marc Summers standing right on the podium.

"Is that supposed to be Marc Summers?" Justin replied as he raised an eyebrow. "He looks like he's wearing Charlie Harper's clothes and yet he looks more like a douchebag with a bad haircut."

"Well, that makes me want to stop watching Food Network's Unwrapped altogether..." Heather replied as Harold put on his team name right on the screen. He seemed to type in the world "Boobies" on the screen.

"Seriously, you gonna name your team 'Boobies'? And yet some kid who plays this is gonna snicker about it? That seems fair..." Heather replied with such a sarcastic smile.

"Yeah, and what's the other team gonna be named, Team Dicks?" Justin said as he let out a snicker.

"Yeah, Justin. I can see it now... Team Boobies against Team Dicks." Harold snickered as well as somehow, the word "Dicks" happpened to display on the right side of the screen for Player 2's team name. Somehow, Justin and Heather were somehow speechless.

"Son of a bitch... it actually said 'dicks'..." Heather said with her mouth agape. Harold soon pressed on the button to reveal what seemed to be the instructions of a Toss-up challenge.

"Okay, I guess we got a toss-up challenge here. It's called' Hungry Clowns'. The rules says that our Double Dare clowns are hungry and you get to feed them. The first team to get three eggs into the clowns mouth wins control of the questions. Sounds easy enough, let's see what it looks like." Justin replied as he was finished reading the rules and Harold proceeded on with the game.

"Okay, now we got the speed/angle meter down there, that determines how high you have to throw it right in the clown's mouth. I wish I wouldn;t have to explain that rule, because everyone would have it confused as a fucking sexual term." Heather said as Harold's character started to throw the egg and get it right in the clown's face.

"What the hell, that was totally on the mark!" Harold complained as he started to throw another egg again, but it landed right on his chin. Somehow, he had 0 eggs while the other team had 2 eggs. This was gonna be no hope for Harold whatsoever as he tried to throw it again.

"Come on, you son of a bitch! Get it in the goddamn hole!" Harold yelled out as he threw the egg again, only to land it right in the clown forehead. Harold was definitely gonna lose it now. "Son of a fuckin' horse-shitting bitch!"

"Well, that was three eggs well fucking spent and wasted..." Heather snarled as both the trio saw what the score was now.

"Looks like Team Dicks got $10 points and control of the questions while Team Boobies, just like a girl with such an A-cup boobage, falls flat." Justin chuckled as Harold was now steaming mad. It was now time for the question round.

"Team Dicks better get a hard question, those snot-eating scumfuckers..." Harold snarled as well as the host began to ask Team Dicks a question. Justin then explained the entire question round to the camera.

"Okay, here comes the question round. Everyone of these godawful questions are at least $10. It says on the question board that 'Which city is the setting for the show, L.A. Law? Is it A, Laredo? B, Los Alamos? Or, C, Los Angeles?" Justin explained with a questionable look right on his face. "That's really interesting that I never even frickin' watched L.A. Law, considering I was never fucking born back then."

"Of course, we all know that the answer is C, Los Angeles." Heather replied as she was enjoying the time of her life watching Harold fail, "Of course, if the rest of you don't even know what the answer is, you can take a dare. If the other person on the other team doesn't know the answer also, he can take a double dare. And if the team that was asked the question in the first place, but still doesn't know about the answer, they can take a physical challenge. Of course that's more better than those crappy-shit questions Marc Summers asks you."

"I think I got an idea for a question. Which game show host is the worst-ass game show host ever lived. I'll give you a guess. Is it A, Marc Summers? B, Marc Summers? Or C, All Of The MOTHER-FUCKING, COKE-SNORTING, BABY-SHITTING ABOVE! RAAAAAAGH!" Harold screamed as he shooked the controller in frustration that he wasn't even getting the chance to answer the question above. "WHO THE FUCK DECIDED TO MAKE THIS KIDDIE CRAPHOLE A GAME?"

"While Harold is shouting like a pissed-off disgrunted Zombie, I figure we fast forward time using this remote control." Heather said right to the camera as she held up a time-reflux induced remote control. "All you gotta do is press this remote next to the camera and..."

As Heather pressed the button, the rest of the game sped up through 6 seconds as Heather finally stopped it. Through a forward frame, Harold's team, which was Team Boobies, now seemed to be in the lead with 30 points while "Team Dicks" were now behind with 20 points. Harold finally seemed to calm down as he was about to face his first physical challenge. Heather looked right at the camera and explained the backstory once again.

"Okay, as you crapnuggets all know, everyone of these Physical Challenges includes everything that has to do with sports such as golf, bowling, ring toss and basketball. You know, something with a 7-year old with epilepsy can do real easily." Heather nodded as she wen't along, "But since I don't feel like having the crappy time to do everyone of these physical challenges with you since we only have 11 minutes of fucking goat-vomiting case of showtime here, we're just gonna do one. And as far as I'm concerned. This physical challenge doesn't have to do with anything sports related. It's about putting fucking pies in your pants. Justin, explain the rules while I see Harold fail again."

"Gladly, Heather." Justin said as the rules for the 'Pies In Your Pants' appeared right on the screen, "Okay, the rules for 'Pies In Your Pants' are simple as human dog-shit itself: 'How would you like a nice piece of pie? We're going to have your partner send you some pies... air mail. As they sail through the air, their shadows appear on the floor. All you have to do is to catch 3 pies in your pants in 20 seconds and you win.' Okay, how in the holy ghost butt-fuck is that gonna be possible? Pies in your pants? It looks much like a X-rated term for 'Cream in your Jeans', as if you're willing to cum inside your pants for mild masturbation! I can't wait to see this one play out."

Harold now saw his player stretch out his pants while his partner had his foot right on the seesaw with a pie sitting on the front end of the seesaw. His partner started to launch a pie right in the air and Harold started to move, but he was going waaaaay too fast.

"Ahhh, crap! Slow down! I wanna catch a pie!" Harold cried out as he was taking a bit baby steps to catch the pie in his stretchy pants, but failed.  
"Damn it! Let's try again! GOSH!"

15 seconds soon passed as another pie was launched right into the air. Harold tried to slow down desperately to get it, but yet, he was still moving fast.

"If I can just stay the fuck still..." Harold muttered as a pie just flew above him in a hair, "AAAAAH! PISS-SUCKING CANDYFUCKERS! WHY CAN'T I STAY THE FUCK STILL?"

10 seconds was now displayed on the clock while Harold just begged for this to be over, but yet he didn't want it to be over.

"C'Mon, C'Mon! GET THAT CUM-BARFING PIE IN YOUR THROBBING PANTS!" Harold screamed angrily as he moved once again through a tiny bit, but he moved way too far, which sent the pie just hurting toward him right at his feet. Harold now seemed to yell in frustration, "AGGGH! SHIT-ON-A-TICK!"

As Harold threw the NES controller down in anger, his character finally happened to move in the right position, only for the pie to have it right inside his pants. The only problem was, time was up and the game was just way over! Much to Justin and Heather's amusement, Harold just wanted to break that controller in half.

"All of that moving around resulted in that? This is just babycrap taking a huge load of donkey shit! Applebangers!" Harold exclaimed as Heather and Justin started to laugh at Harold's expense.

"Tough break, let's see what the Double Dare Obstacle Course looks like! Just a little touch of this remote control and..." Heather said as she looked right at the remote control and pressed it to the camera. Just 15 seconds later, Heather finally stopped it to the point that Harold's team, Team Boobies, had a hefty 400 points while Team Dicks managed to score 350 points, which made Harold's team the winner, despite the fact that he couldn't even win one crappy physical challenge.

"Okay, everyone... give thanks to Heather for speeding up this little game process of ours with the time reflux remote control. It's not available in stores, so don't even try to break in Heather's house and steal it. Because Heather might chop up your little winky hiding in your jeans and feeding it to her cat later on." Justin replied to the camera as the game screen revealed the entire Double Dare Obstacle Course. "Okay, now we have the piece de resistance... the Double Dare obstacle course, which combines American Gladiators's final event 'Eliminator' mixed with Little Tikes on PCP. The object is this, there are just 8 obstacles in this game: We have monkey bars, an oil floor spill from Exxon Valdez, some kind of bluish floor climb, a hamster wheel, followed by a barrel crawl, a mountain climb that looks like a gray turd, a pool full of slime, and lastly a ladder with a flagpole on top. Get all 8 flags and you win. It's gonna sound sad from here."

As the buzzer sounded, Harold took off on his feet and went at it with the monkey bars. Harold was trying to mash the buttons like crazy in hopes of achieving total victory. When he got to the monkey bars though, he was just trying to mash the right button on the d-pad, but it wasn't working.

"C'Mon! Go through!" Harold shouted out as he was trying to move fiercely, but he was stuck like dried old bubble gum. "Damn it! Go the fuck through!"

He was trying to push the D-pad harder, but somehow Heather talked right onto Harold.

"Don't keep pressing right, fish-turd! Keep mashing all the buttons until you get it right!" Heather exclaimed as Harold kept button-mashing his controller into kingdom come. Even though Harold was moving a bit slowly, it was working nonetheless. He went the next flag and went on the other obstacle which was the oil slide.

"Okay, I'm gonna do this! I'm gonna do this!" Harold exclaimed with a prepratory smile as she managed to slide on the oil, but only by an inch! "What the slime-fuck? Why didn't it slide me all the way to the flag? I curse you Marc Fuckin' Summers, gosh!"

With only 30 seconds left on the clock, Harold needed to be like the Flash and fast. He finally crawled all the way to the oil and grabbed the next flag. Next up was the floor climb.

"Okay, I can really do this!" Harold exclaimed as he kept on mashing the D-pad and the A and B buttons. It was finally working to his best abilities so far. In an instant, he dominated the blue floor climb. "A-ha! Suck on that, blue floor climb that's colored like Viagra! I'm throbbing for destiny here!"

"You might not throb for long, 'cause you only have 20 seconds left on the clock, dude." Justin said to Harold as he started to panic very well and very seriously.

"STEP ON IT, MOTHERFUCKER! IDIOT!" Harold screamed as he continued to mash more buttons which caused his guy to go faster. He soon got the flag and went right to pole, therefore sliding down on it like a fireman and finally going to the next obstacle, which was the hamster wheel.  
"You better go fast, or I'm dissecting your asshole off!"

Shouting onto the character itself, Harold mashed the buttons once again as his character started to sprint all through the wheel as the meter started to go all the way up.

"Go up! GO FRICKIN' UP!" Harold screamed out loud as the meter finally started to reach to it's breaking point as the flagpole reached all the way down, which forced the other player to grab it and head for the next obstacle. But he had only 10 seconds left, he really needed that fast-forward button from Heather's to get a really good easy victory right about now. "MOVE! FUCKING MOVE, SON OF A DICK!"

The next obstacle was the barrel crawl. Luckily, this proved to be just a cakewalk as Harold managed to easily crawl under the blue barrel with no problems whatsoever. As soon as he got the next flag, he moved on to the next obstacle, which was the mountain climb. But unfortunately, it was now 5 seconds as Harold cried out loud because of the way he was struggling with the controller earlier.

"OH, COME ON! JUST 10 MORE SECONDS! 10 MORE FUCKING SECONDS IS ALL I NEEDED!" Harold cried out as when his character suddenly got to the mountain, the time, unfortunately ran out on the uber-nerd who just screamed like a suicidal madman, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! DAMN IT! DAMN THIS FUCKING GAME TO HELL! DAMN THIS OBSTACLE COURSE TO HELL! DAMN MARC SUMMERS AND DOUBLE DARE TO HELL! I WOULD SHRED MY OWN DIRTY SWEATY BALLS WITH A CHAINSAW THEN TO PLAY THIS PITIFUL CUM-SNORTING HELL OF A GAME! RAAAAAGH!"

As Harold was still raging like a crack-addicted doberman, that he immediately lost, both Justin and Heather turned right to the camera.

"So far, as much as Harold's words say it all... The game show was great for somebody who was like 10 years old in the 80's, but the game is just clunky as rotten zombie flesh." Justin said just admitting it to the camera, "On the plus side, the questions are easy to master, but we were a bit disturbed by the 'Pie In Your Pants' physical challenge very much."

"Now on the negative side, this game is just such a button masher so much, your thumbs are just gonna hurt at the Obstacle Course, plus Marc Summers in the game looks very clunky as Grandma's back fat would ever look like. We apologize to Marc Summers if we criticized his likeliness on this little review show of ours." Heather said as she nodded a bit depressingly.

"But we don't apologize to this piece of slime vomit of a game not one damn bit because we give this game 2 out of 5 stars." Justin said with such negativity in his face, "Go watch frickin' 'Unwrapped' for all we care, either way, we're not responsible. Heather, please hand me the remote."

"Gladly, Justin." Heather said right to the Hawaiian as Justin pointed right to the camera and turned the power off with his remote control, closing out another gag-inducing episode.**  
**

* * *

**Like I said, I apologize to Marc Summers as well. I too am a huge fan of Double Dare and still am to this very day. Just remember this is a parody where three of my favorite Total Drama characters make fun of bad video games and mention every celebrity's name through insult, yet they don't happen to mean it very much. No offense, guys! I'm cool with you!**

**On the next episode, both Justin, Heather and Harold are getting ready to rumble as they review one of the worst wrestling games of all time. Which one of these worst wrestling games do you want them to review?**

**WWF Super WrestleMania on the SNES/Genesis**

**or**

**WWF King of the Ring for Super Nintendo?**

**Read and review until then! Rest... In... Peace...  
**


	3. Ch 3: WWF Super WrestleMania

**"Justin, Heather and Harold Review Bad Video Games!"  
**

**Rated M for Very Strong Language  
**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Total Drama series or anything that's associated with the Angry Video Game Nerd. Just so you know, Harold will play the game and Heather and Justin will commentate on what's going on.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 3: WWF Super WrestleMania**

Once again, Harold kept lounging around choosing what kind of game both he, Heather and Justin wanted to review next. Somehow, he took his whole entire arm and blocked his eyes, trying not to guess which game he wants. And before Harold knew it, his hand landed right on a Sega Genesis game.

"All right! Looks like were going Sega with this one!' Harold exclaimed as he now started to read the title, "Looks like we got 'WWF Super WrestleMania' for the Genesis! Man, is this gonna be a good one! Nothing but guys battling out in underwear!"

"Aw, man... who in the holy piece of garbage fuck wants too see oily men slathered in peanut oil throw each other around like braindead massuses?" Heather complained a bit.

"I'm not very sure, but I got a hunch that Harold's gonna think this is the best game he played so far..." Justin said with his eyes rolled.

"This is gonna be the best game I played so far!" Harold exclaimed happily as he turned on the game.

"I knew it..." Justin replied horribly. As Harold was waiting for the game to come on, Justin turned right to the camera and gave quite a backstory, "Okay, before we see Harold fail again for the third unholy time, here's a little backspin on WWF Super WrestleMania. Now before WWF became WWE, which stood for World Wrestling Entertainment and gave us quite huge stars such as The Rock, John Cena, CM Punk and Ryback, WWF stood for World Wrestling Federation. And in the 80's, due to the success of WrestleMania, it blew up like a fucking atom bomb! Sooner or later, WWE Superstars were featured in Saturday Morning cartoons, lunchboxes, t-shirts, everywhere you went. Not to mention, WWE, or WWF crossed over to video games where they came out with a bunch of awesome games such as WWF WrestleMania, WWF WrestleMania Challenge, WWF WrestleFest for the arcades, every wrestling game that came out with the WWE title in it, it was gonna kick ass."

"But somehow, what were the people thinking trying to make a crappy WWE game for the Sega Genesis?" Heather said to the camera as she stepped aside Justin, "Now just in case you didn't know, this is WWF Super WrestleMania for the Genesis. Now the Super Nintendo version on the other hand, it was pretty much okay. So far, there we're much more wrestlers such as Hulk Hogan, 'Macho Man' Randy Savage, Jake 'The Snake' Roberts, The Undertaker, and waaaaay too many fuckers. Somehow, even though the controls fail to respond most of the time, it's pretty much a button-masher that you can respond with very well. It has three modes which is single, tag team and Survivor Series. The only downside of this is there is a lack of a Championship mode. What's a good wrestling game without a Championship mode? That's fucking low, LJN! Really nice of you!"

"But at least the Survivor Series mode makes up for the lack of a Championship mode. It's pretty much a 4-on-4 elimination match in which you have to choose 4 superstars and battle other 4 superstars in which one by one, they get fuckin dropped like a shit-sized kidney stone. It's not very pretty." Justin said with a negative shake on the head, "So far, I'll give the Super Nintendo version of WWF Super WrestleMania 3 out of 5 stars. But we're not focusing on this version. The only version were gonna review today is the crappy, dog-shitting, ass-sucking, baby-pissing Genesis version! How bad is it? Well... uh... just take a look at yourself."

Harold finally turned on the game and had such an anticipated look right on his face, when a video-game pixelated version of Hulk Hogan appeared right on the screen. Heather just let out a little chuckle of how retarded pixelated Hulk Hogan looked like!

"AGH! What the hell's up with that picture of Hulk Hogan?" Heather replied as her eyes just popped out crazily.

"Doesn't even look like Hulk Hogan. Looks like if Snooki got turned into a guy, dyed his hair blonde and grew a shit-stain of a blonde moustache." Justin snickered as Harold went to the selection screen.

"Heh, it looks like we got only four modes: Single, Tag Team, Survivor Series and WWF Championship." Harold said as he was reading the modes on the screen.

"Great... only the sucky-shit version of the game gets a Championship mode. Those SEGA guys really must like to kiss some ass to get a Championship mode and not the SNES version." Heather said as she rolled her eyes.

"Those Nintendo guys are looking to take their sledgehammers and smash Sega right in the brain! This is going to be god-awful at it's fuckin' worst." Justin scowled minorly before Harold decided to go right into Championship mode.

"Yes, Championship mode, here I come! GOSH!" Harold exclaimed as he now looked over the character selection screen. There seemed to be only 8 people in this game: Shawn Michaels, Ultimate Warrior, Hulk Hogan, Macho Man Randy Savage, The British Bulldog, "Million Dollar Man" Ted DiBiase, Irwin R. Schyster, and Papa Shango. Harold was quite pleased with the lineup so far. Heather and Justin on the other hand, not so much.**  
**

"That's a shame how Sega didn't wanna include much wrestlers in this game. What a wasteless $40 of a game every sucker wasted down the shitty-ass toilet." Heather scowled evenly as Harold was taking his time choosing his character.

"I know, but at least they have a honest character selection like Shawn Michaels and Ultimate Warrior, but why didn't those SEGA sluts use an awesome character like the Undertaker or Bret Hart on the game?" Justin complained madly, "It was either because Genesis didn't want to include anything that revolved around inappropriate like death or perhaps anything dressed in pink and call it prissy and girly. What a bunch of baby-headed fucks SEGA turned out to be when they released this game!"

After minutes of searching, Harold decided to choose the Ultimate Warrior as his character as the computer chose 'The Heartbreak Kid' Shawn Michaels to be his opponent. Boy, what a match this is gonna turn out to be.

"Okay, since Harold busy getting ready, the WWF Championship mode is simple, your character must beat all seven other fucks so that you can be the WWF Champion. This is gonna be an excruciating shitty puke-fest, let me tell you." Heather said to the camera as she, Justin and Harold started to watch the ring introductions. Harold decided to imitate the ring introductions at the same time.

"From Parts Unknown... weighing at 287 pounds... the Ullllllltimate Warrrrrior! And his opponent... from San Antonio, Texas... weighing at 240 pounds... Shaaaaaaaawn Michaelllllls." Harold said as he read the text balloons on the screen.

"Nice announce work you did there." Justin said right to Harold as he looked very impressed that the ubernerd was imitating WWE ring announcer and Hall-of-Famer Howard Finkel on the game.

"Yeah, my mom said I have a gift for it." Harold said to both Heather and Justin with a smile.

"Yeah, if that gift was doing a phone sex line for nerdy fat girls." Heather smirked as Harold scowled at him. "Looks like the bell rang already."

Harold looked on, almost losing focus on the game as his character, The Ultimate Warrior, moved along the ring showing his footwork to the digitized fans.

"Ooh, ooh, where'm I gonna go next? Where'm I gonna go next?" Harold said as she was showing his character off, just taunting a digitized Shawn Michaels, who responded to him with an open punch. "Ey, what the fuck! Idiot!"

That punch sent Harold's character down on the mat.

"Maybe go to the dentist to screw in your jaw in tight. Because that punch was just so fucked up right in the fucking ass." Heather smirked as Shawn Michaels just decided to stomp on right away on the Warrior. Harold was quickly mashing buttons for his character to get up and fight back.

"Looks like Shawn Michaels using you as a fuckin' doormat, man!" Justin exclaimed and chuckled as Harold was getting pissed off not getting a chance to recover.

"Why can't the Warrior get the fuck up! Answer to the heavens! Get a g**damn second wind! PLEASE GET THE PIG-FUCKING UP!" Harold yelled as Shawn Michaels picked his character up... only to get a suplex that sent him down once again. "RAAAAAAGH! SON OF A FARMER'S PUDDING-COVERED DICK!"**  
**

"Dude, this is a squash match! This is waaaaay beyond cartoonish bad! I would rather watch Monday Night RAW other than to play this piece of bullshit-covered shit of a pitiful game!" Heather chuckled and scowled as she took a sip of her Sprite, just seeing Harold fail once again.

But then, the digitized Shawn Michaels went right up to the top rope and smashed the Warrior real nice with a flying elbow drop!

"NOOOOOO! Come on, get the cock up!" Harold exclaimed, "Get up!"

"Heh, I bet you say that after sex..." Justin chuckled once again to the ubernerd as Harold scowled at him. He was still trying to mash buttons, but it was just to no avail.

"DAMN IT TO GOAT-FUCKING HELL, THESE CONTROLS ARE BROKEN AS A FRICKIN STRAP-ON!" Harold screamed angrily as he almost started to crush the entire controller with his weak hands. Shawn Michaels then decided to pick the Warrior up for the last time and perfrom a side suplex which stuck the Warrior right to the mat with no other chance to get up.

"Dude, that's it for the Ultimate Nerd." Justin replied with a smirk as the referee counted all the way to three, considering Harold's character in defeat. This really pissed the Nerd off to the point where he just wanted to break the game in pieces.

"RRAAAAAAAGGH! SON OF A FATHER FUCKING, MOTHER SUCKING, HORSE KILLING PIECE OF SMELLY-ASS BOOGER SHIT!" Harold yelled angrily as he took a baseball bat from this closet and took his eyes on the horrible game, "I can't believe Sega just had to put out this total snot and cum fest of a game! I know what needs to be done!"

With such rage, Harold took the WWF Super WrestleMania game cartridge off of the Genesis, sent it flying through a table and just smashed it right to kingdom come. What a godawful waste of precious time that was for Harold. Seeing him smash the game from far away. Justin took his focus on the camera.

"Well, that was the fourth shitty time that Harold once again failed with our expectations." Justin said with a stressful sigh, "Overall the game is clunky as shit. The AI is fuckin slow like a snail taking a dump as it is. And worst of all, it sucks because the controls respond like a broken dick! This is by far a disgrace to WWE games there ever is! At least WWF King of The Ring for the NES is better than this piece of crap, which isn't saying much since it sucks donkeyfuck as it is as well!"

"And for this, we give WWF Super WrestleMania for the SEGA Genesis, 1 out of 5 stars!" Heather replied angrily to the camera as well, "And now if you'll excuse us, we're gonna see Harold give a beating to this piece of faulty shitty underwear we call a game!"

As Harold kept on smashing the game with that baseball bat of his, he put his hand all over the broken rubble just like he was pinning it. Heather just decided to be the referee for Harold's squash match against a broken game cartridge.

"1... 2... 3...!" Heather counted right on the table as an imaginary ring bell just dinged and raised Harold's hand, declaring the ubernerd the victor.  
Justin then held what seemed to be an imaginary announcer's mic.

_"Here is your winner... Harold "I'm Not Doriiiiiis" McGraaaaaaaaaady Fiiiiiive!"_ Justin said as he also presented Harold with the hand-made championship as he approached the victorious ubernerd and began to speak, _"Harold, since you finally won against the crappy cum-soaked crap of a game, what are you gonna do now?"_

"I'm going to Disneyland, Fucks! WOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Harold shouted out in victory as when he raised his hands in victory, he was caught in a freeze frame. A freeze frame worthy of a champion.

* * *

** I'm telling you, at least the WWF Super Wrestlemania game for the Super Nintendo was better than the Genesis version. Just saying!**

**Okay, which game you wanna see next?**

**SuperMan 64 for the Nintendo 64...**

**or**

**E.T. for the Atari 2600?**

**Vote and don't forget to read and review please! *imitating Macho Man* Ooooooooooh Yeeeeeeeah!**


	4. Ch 4: ET for the Atari 2600

**"Justin, Heather and Harold Review Bad Video Games!"  
**

**Rated M for Very Strong Language  
**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Total Drama series or anything that's associated with the Angry Video Game Nerd. Just so you know, Harold will play the game and Heather and Justin will commentate on what's going on.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 4: E.T. for the Atari 2600  
**

It was once again, video game choosing time. Harold was busy closing his eyes and just waving his hand over and over again, just to see what kind of gem he was gonna get.

"Harold, are you gonna spend your time searching for a game to review next? You feel like a blind snot-infested sicko." Heather spat at him with her arms crossed.

"I like to surprise my viewers, Heather. GOSH!" Harold spoke right to her as his hand touched a black Atart 2600 cartridge.

"Odds are, he'll choose another sucky game..." Justin replied to Heather as he was still looking at his image through a compact mirror.

Harold finally brought out a fresh copy of what seems to be a video game adaptation of Steven Spielberg's movie E.T. Heather and Justin suddenly gasped in dramatic shock.

"Ahh! You can't be serious!" Heather exclaimed angrily, "You cant obviously be serious about playing that shit!"

"I don't see what's the problem? I think it's got some good box art, E.T.'s drawn very nicely and a 10-year old Henry Thomas looks like a fruit. What's exactly the problem?" Harold said with a shrugging of the shoulders.

"The only problem of how many people feel playing this game." Justin replied as he put up his compact mirror, "May I include the side-effects to this little problem? They include anal bleeding, paranoia, depression, thoughts of suicide, bleeding through the brain, puking through the mouth, and long-term memory loss. I tell you, if you play that game, it will not be pretty man. And by not pretty, I mean you not being pretty as I am right now."

"Heh, must be a bunch of hooey! I'm trying it." Harold said with a determined smile as he put the game cartridge, while Heather and Justin both looked right at the camera.

"Okay, people. If you have the slightest amount of donkeydick, please take our advice that you will not watch this review. Just looking at the gameplay will make you shit prematurely." Heather responded with advice at the camera and the millions watching at home.

"Yeah, and here's a quick review of this game just so that us good-looking people can save you the humiliation later on." Justin responded as he began to give a little backstory of the game, "Of course, E.T. is based on the Steven Spielberg movie that touched an entire generation for every youngster living in the 1980's. But what many people didn't realize when it comes to video games, this video game adaptation of E.T. was responsible for the infamous Video Game Crash of 1983. This is actually a true story however, as many cartridges of "E.T. The Video Game' was shipped out and buried underneath a desert. And all I can say is, this game feels like crap taking a shit... actually taking a shit. This was like a dog pooping on a baby, which actually swallowed some of it and just vomited all over the floor with a stench of B.O. and cheese."**  
**

"And now Harold's actually gonna dare to play it." Heather sighed as she smacked her forehead. "So for the sake of you watching this review right now, leave. No, we mean it. You actually gotta leave. If you don't, this will be worst 22 minutes of shit you will not have back. But if you decided to stay and risk so much cancerous death, have it your way. That's why me, Justin and not Harold give this game 0 out of 5 stars. No reason. It's just the way that it is."

As Harold turned on the game, he was greeted to an 8-bit version of the E.T. theme song and the title screen where E.T.'s face was shown.

"Well, so far so good. It looks like the people of Atari actually got the theme song right." Harold nodded in acceptance.

"I'm going to the bathroom and taking a piss. That way I can save from watching this shit farm any longer." Heather replied angrily as she got off the couch and walked away.

"Me too, I'm gonna go make a pizza and watch "Everybody Hates Chris". That way my body and my precious face won't stand around watching this diarrhea fest any longer." Justin replied angrily as well as he too walked out, just leaving Harold alone with his game of E.T.

"Go right ahead! You just don't appreciate good cinema-based games! Idiots!" Harold angrily spat at them from behind as he focused on the game screen.

The game screen displayed a little itty-bitty game sized E.T. coming down on a tiny spaceship reaching on what seemed to be poorly drawn trees. The way E.T. looked on the game screen looked like he was squatting down and taking a Spielberg-sized dump.

"Okay, why on earth is he taking a shit? Is he trying to shit out some sort of air while he's walking? Heh, maybe it's just a phase." Harold replied as his character started walking right to the game screen, in which he sees some sort of four dark green spheres. "Heh, that's strange. Is this supposed to be four ponds? Maybe I can use it to swim."

Thinking that Harold would actually be stupid to think that E.T. would actually swim, his character touched the flat dark-green sphere...

...only to just fall right into a hole. Harold was a bit surprised.

"Wha? He fell? How on earth is this possible? So it's not some sort of greenish pond?" Harold complained a bit upsettingly, "It's just some kind of hole that this little fat penis headed alien fell into! Oh, great... now there's no way out of there!"

Somehow, Harold tried his best to move the joystick anywhere in his Atari 2600 controller.

"Now I can't frickin' go anywhere! GOSH!" Harold screamed angrily as he slammed his controller down. But when he did though...

...his E.T. character now went upside down like some kind of freakish glitch.

"Wha? Now he's upside down? Is he trying to sniff his own ass?" Harold chuckled sarcastically, "Ohhh, man... that is godawful..."

But then, as he somehow knew it, E.T.'s neck now sorta stretched up.

"Okay, when on earth did E.T.'s neck become some sort of cancerous giraffe?" Harold replied with an eyebrow raised as E.T. started to fly, much to his relief. "Well, at least it finally got me out of that hole I've been stuck in."

As soon as his neck finally stopped stretching, E.T. had suddenly fell down once again through a hole. But this time...

...the fall just instantly killed his character unexpectedly. Harold saw this and looked very stunned in such agony.

"How... how on earth can somebody die from a fall like that? I don't understand this vomit-induced cum stain in the game of life! Aggggggh, why must you hate me so life?" Harold said just shouting angrily from the skies. But then, he then glared at the video game itself as if he was laughing at Harold itself. "You! You caused me sooooo anger! I can't believe you spoiled a good movie character, yet spoiled a good film! Damn you, Atari! Damn you straight to crack-snorting, baby-shitting hell!"

With such anger, Harold aggressively pulled the game right out of the game system, despite the fact that the game was still on. He just wanted to give that game such a diarrhea tasting death! And he knew the only way how.

Harold pulled out a sledgehammer from his closet and set the game copy of E.T. right on the table. With nerd rage, Harold gripped the handle and raised the hammer up. He then spoke down to the game.

"Never will you ever hurt me again!" Harold exclaimed as with such unbelievable Hercules-like strength...

...he brought the hammer down, just crushing the game in one hit now full of rubble. Taking deep breaths, Harold then picked up the entire game rubble with a towel and pretended to wipe his butt with it. With such an insult to E.T., he then threw it on the trash in which he lit it simultaneously. Seeing the flaming basket of fire, Harold then looked right at the camera.

"Heather and Justin were right. E.T. sucks shit through a straw." harold said as he finally admitted it to the camera, "So here's my advice. You see anything that is Spielberg related, burn it to the ground immediately. What a pitiful excuse for a video game this turned out to be. And I apologize for the anal bleeding that many people suffered watching this, until next time, for Heather and Justin, this is Harold saying, 'I'm gonna go take a nap'. So good night... and screw you Spielberg! George Lucas kicks your ass better than I do."

Because of this, Harold finally rested his eyes just cuddling his pet sledgehammer and just slept with his eyes closed.

* * *

**E.T. the Video Game made me crap myself. Literally. I will not associate with a game that is associated with Spielberg nonetheless. That's why if they decided to make a video game out of "Super 8", I'm burning it to the ground literally. Enough said.**

**Okay, which video game you wanna see Justin and Heather review next?**

**Lester The Unlikely for the Super Nintendo**

**or**

**Shaq-Fu for the Super Nintendo**

**Until then... vote read and review. Critiques are always appreciated, broski's! WINNING!**


	5. Ch 5: Shaq Fu

**"Justin, Heather and Harold Review Bad Video Games!"  
**

**Rated M for Very Strong Language  
**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Total Drama series or anything that's associated with the Angry Video Game Nerd. Just so you know, Harold will play the game and Heather and Justin will commentate on what's going on.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 5: Shaq Fu**

Harold was once again searching for another game to review for the day. When his hand reached for a Super Nintendo cartridge, he just pulled it right out and looked at it first hand. He then made Heather and Justin look at the chosen game.

"Woo woo woo, I got Shaq Fu! GOSH!" Harold exclaimed as he looked a bit happily.

"It's really excruciating that Shaquille O'Neal would come out with his own game in the 90's." Heather smirked a bit wearily, "It was like back then that every popular basketball player got their own game."

"No kidding, you had Michael Jordan with 'Michael Jordan and the Windy City', Charles Barkley with 'Barkley: Shut Up And Jam', and it top it all off, we had Shaquille O'Neal with 'Shaq-Fu'." Justin smirked as Harold started to put in the game, "What was really interesting about this game was the fact this was a fighting game. I bet every kid who were about to play this said that this would be the next 'Street Fighter' or such. And when they finished the game, they just took the game out of the Super Nintendo itself, wiped their ass with it and such burnt it with a Shaq-sized blowtorch because of the shitty gameplay. This is just soul-crushing to me because as a model, it makes me form wrinkles around my face real easily."

"That's just a case of the hoo-hah talking, Justin." Harold responded to the Hawaiian as he finally turned the game on, "Let's get it on, gosh!"

The first image that was shown on the game screen happened to be a 32-bit version of Shaquille O'Neal and behind him were flames. The words Shaq-Fu appeared on the game screen as Justin told a lot more about the backstory.

"Okay, there seems to be only four modes in this game: Duel, Story, Tournament, and Options. Enough said." Justin replied as Harold decided to choose the Story mode for keeps. The next image that appeared was Shaquille O'Neal standing around a sidewalk looking at a Kung Fu dojo. "Okay, next thing the game lets Shaq do is to narrate his own story. Here's what he's saying: _'It's downtown Tokyo and I'm checking out the local sights on the day of my all-star charity game when...'_"

"Here comes the next part." Heather replied as the next image of the game screen revealed to be a mini-Shaq still standing in front of the dojo. Justin was still doing the narrating, just pretending to be Shaq.

"'_...I stumbled upon a small kung-fu dojo with an old man inside.'_"Justin read carefully, "What am I saying here. This guy is like 7 foot tall and yet he just happened to stumble in this place? He's frickin' standing! How is he standing if he can't even stumble. The only stumble I've seen from him if someone the size of LeBron James or Dwight Howard just ankle-breaking him in one of his games in real life. That's not really normal."

The next panel seemed to be a picture of an old-man with a long white beard in his chin. Seeing the old man speak to Shaq, Heather decided to imitate the old man in this game.

_"Greetings, big warrior. You are the one from the stars, I presume? I thought I never live to see the day!"_ Heather replied, just repeating what the old man is saying on the screen, "Okay, you can't fucking tell if he's mistaking Shaq for a fuckin comet. I bet this old far never even watched fucking ounce of basketball in his life."

"If you put a cowboy hat on top of him, he looks like he could be part of the Oak Ridge Boys or something. Maybe be some sort of an Oak Ridge Boys tribute band." Justin chuckled a bit as the next panel appeared. Of course, the image appeared to be Shaq talking back to the old man. Therefore, Justin did the voice of Shaq once again, "_'I'm an all-star if that's what you mean? We have a game tonight... would you like to come? It's gonna be quite a battle even though it's for charity.' _That's top-notch Shaq right there. So I'll give something good about this game at least. Shaq just tells him what it is."

The next panel in the game screen showed to be the old man talking to Shaq once again, therefore Heather's voice was in old man form, "_'Oh no, young warrior, I'm too old to be fighting! But I wish you well... you must hurry now if you are to save the little boy, Nezu. That is, if you really are the magic one.' _Oh, that's nice, the old man's now mistaking Shaq for Magic Johnson. Now he's gotta save some little fart for fuck-knows-what."

Then Shaq, with Justin speaking as him, replied in the next panel.

"_'I'm not sure what you mean? I'm just sightseeing before my game. What are you talking about?' _I'm certain the old fart's asking you to beat your big Shaq-induced meat. I'm pretty sure that the old man knows what he's talking about." Justin chuckled once again as the next panel popped up.

This time, the image showed the old man and right behind them became a doorway, or a portal if you imagine. Heather, once again, did her old man voice.

"_'No time to explain! Go through this portal - find Nezu - and save him before it's too late.'_ That's really interesting. I was planning to do that by the time this snotty cum-fest of a review is about to be over." Heather snarled a bit before the next panel just turned to pitch black and the next thing to appear in the screen was the words entitled: **'Shaq enters the 2nd world...'**

"Okay, before this goes on. I'll tell you the rest of the characters who's in this little shitty mouth-piece of grade-A shit of a game." Justin replied as he borrowed a little book out of Harold's game knowledge, "Okay, besides Shaq. There are at least six characters in this game. The first character is named Kaori, who just happens to be a catwoman of some sorts. With that blue outfit she's wearing, she looks like she could be a female SWAT Kat mixed with Halle Berry on crack. The next character you face after her is named 'Prince'. Not familiar with the musician, but I got nothing to say about this guy. Except for the fact that despite being named 'Prince', that he's known for wearing violet MC Hammer pants. Enough said. Heather, you wanna take this one? This is leaving a bland vomit taste in my good looking mouth."

As Justin was still cringing from the mouth, Heather took over the character introductions.

"Okay, the third character you fight after him seems to be a combination of Skeletor dressing a smelly, diarrhea-like potato sack all across his body. That's all I can say about him nonetheless." Heather replied with a cringing nod, "Okay, the next character you fight against after the shitty Skeletor impersonator happens to be a hot purple-headed Amazon who looks like if Sierra, Diana Ross and Chaka Khan had a baby. And if Barney the dinosaur was the father. Okay, the next competitor after her happens to be named 'Beast' in which he looks like a poorly drawn combination of Carnage and Red Skull put together. He looks really ape-shit scary in my book. So with the anal bleeding already suffered at the first sight of him, we'll finally move on to the boss of this game, which is Sett-Ra. Okay, Sett-Ra looks like a retarded mummy wearing what seems to be shoulder pads wrapped in toilet paper. Now that is just poor fashion choice. Who in the hell wants to wear toilet paper on top of their chest?"

"Maybe Johnny Knoxville." Justin said as he let out a chuckle. "But since we don't really have much time to go all over the opponents, we'll see Harold fight against the catwoman named Kaori, which we'll now refer to her as Turdface."**  
**

"Okay, cat lady! Eat my Shaq-tastic foot going right up your ass! Gosh!" Harold said right to the game as the fight was about to start against Shaq and Turdface.

"I can see how that's hardly possible to do..." Heather snickered silently as the fight finally began.

Shaq started to throw fist after fist, but Turdface got him right against the eyes. He was being hit repeatedly.

"GOSH! Fight back, Shaq! Fight back! Idiot!" Harold exclaimed as he was now mashing buttons as it was.

Turdface finally jumped far away from him, which forced Shaq to pull off a flying kick, but only to miss.

"What? How could I frickin' miss? Dang!" Harold exclaimed once again as he kept on trying to pull off a flying kick again. Yet it still didn't work. Shaq was still being slashed to death by the fierce catwoman.

"I guess it all depends on distance, dude." Justin replied to Harold as he wasn't even trying to look at the game. He was pretty much looking at his image like always.

"Save the pep talk for later, Justin! I just gotta keep trying to hit her the best as I can until I can find a way to dizzy her, gosh!" Harold exclaimed as his button mashing started to pace furiously, but the catwoman known as Turdface kept on slashing her, "Dang, I'm trying to back away from her, but I keep getting trapped into a corner!

Shaq finally managed to punch her in the ribs, before he finally attacked, but little did he know that Turdface ended up teleporting...

...in which the catwoman landed right on top of Shaq, which got him unconscious and knocked out. Therefore Shaq lost the round!

"Dang! Shaq is useless! He is so useless like a cum-covered dildo going right through a garbage dispenser!" Harold complained as he about to keep himself steady for the second round. "But I'm sure it's just luck. I just have to mash harder. GOSH!"

The second round had finally started. But before Harold can move around with his character, the real-life Shaquille O'Neal suddenly came on to the screen and looked at both Harold, Heather and Justin simultaneously.

"Mind if I cut in?" the real Shaq said on the TV.

"Shaquille O'Neal?" The trio said in shock.

"Holy crap, Shaq! What are you doing here?" Justin replied as he was acting like a very surprised 11-year old, even though he was pretty much an adult.

"Doing what I've should've done years ago." Shaq smiled at the rest of the trio as he looked at the game screen behind him. With the strength of his hand, he took the entire Shaq-Fu game screen and wrapped it into a little ball. Then insanely, he started to fit the entire ball of game static inside his mouth and started to chew and swallow it, therefore the screen turned into pitch black, but the real-life Shaquille O'Neal was still there.

"I can't believe you ate the entire game screen!" Heather spoke at Shaq as she felt a bit surprised.

"Indeed. And it was to teach everyone who plays this game. The lesson, it plays like a cum-covered dildo combined with the feeling of a cocaine-covered monkey. Therefore, this game is a shit-sized vibrator mixed with a baby-shit cocktail that you can feed to a disease-carrying hobo. Therefore, it ain't worth it. Holla at ya back. Peace." Shaq said to the camera with a smile as he started to fly-away like a superhero.

Seeing this unfold before their eyes, Justin also looked right at the camera.

"Well, I got nothing left to say. Therefore, me, Heather and Harold give Shaq-Fu 1 out of 5 stars. The main points is that Shaq in 32-bit version isn't that bad. The low points of this however, is what Shaq says about this game. It's like a cum-infested dildo. So in behalf... this game should go back to its momma and stay off it's kitchen, because this game... is served." Justin said a bit angrily yet painfully as Harold ripped the game off it's console.

So far, the game cartridge was holding on to a pole as Heather was possessing a badass flame thrower. Just aiming it where Harold was, the nerd threw the game cartridge of Shaq-Fu in the air, which caused the Queen Bee to shoot flames right off it's trigger and just burnt the game to a crisp. Seeing the game barbecued to a nice flavor, Heather responded.

"You're right. This game got served faster than his rap career ever did." Heather smirked as she took the burnt game with an oven mitt and just threw it right in the toilet in where it was flushed all the way. "Okay, boys... now that little piece of shitty toe-jam is out of there. Milkshakes are on me. Harold's paying."

As both Heather and Justin leave, Harold spoke out in defense.

"What? Why me? Why should I get to pay?" Harold spoke a bit angrily.

"Because you look shitty enough to have ever play that smelly sulfuristic game in the first place. Always remember the first rule: Nerds always pay." Justin shouted out to the nerd.

"Stupid real life Shaq had to ruin my spotlight. Looks like I gotta go fish out my game then..." Harold said with a sigh as he grabbed a fishing pole out of nowhere and went right to the bathroom to fish his burnt game out. For Harold, it was much better than to join Heather and Justin.

* * *

**Heh, leave it to Harold to think every bad video game is good in his opinion. That's what I like about him in this fic.**

**Okay, choosing time! Which game you want Justin, Heather and Harold to review next?**

**Batman Forever for Super Nintendo**

**or**

**Revolution X for the Super Nintendo**

**Remember to vote, read and review! I'll be expecting them! WINNING!**


	6. Ch 6: Batman Forever

**"Justin, Heather and Harold Review Bad Video Games!"  
**

**Rated M for Very Strong Language  
**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Total Drama series or anything that's associated with the Angry Video Game Nerd. Just so you know, Harold will play the game and Heather and Justin will commentate on what's going on.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 6: Batman Forever  
**

It was perhaps another day in Harold's basement as he was once again searching from his library full of video games. But this time, Harold was wearing a Batman cowl on his head, and so was Justin. Heather on the other hand was wearing Catwoman's nightvision glasses and cat ears. Harold's hand soon felt a Super Nintendo cartridge and pulled it rightout of the closet, revealing it to be a copy of Batman Forever.

"Yes! I pulled Batman! Therefore, I'm Batman!" Harold said in a grunting voice, thinking that he was the Dark Knight.

"No, you are not..." Heather spoke in a tiredsome voice, "You're just a nerd thinking he's actually Batman when apparently his voice sounds like he's taking a total Bat-dump."

"Nonsense, your words will not dampen me, Catwoman!" Harold said as he pointed to Heather in a threatening tone, "I'm Batman!"

"Harold, you're too nerdy to be Batman." Justin replied constantly, "Besides, Batman's well-built, strong and downright handsome just like me. Therefore, I like to state the conclusion that I'm Batman. You can tell because me and Batman have the same jawline."

"Like anyone would care, Justin." Heather nagged a little before she refocused on Harold, "Just put the game in Harold before I scratch that skinny ass of yours."

"Okay okay, you didn't need to grouch at me." Harold said as he finally put the game in and looked right at Heather again, "I'm Batman!"

"For the last time, I'm Batman. You're much more suited for Alfred though." Justin said with a smirk.

"I don't wanna be Alfred! He sucks! GOSH!" Harold complained right at the male model angrily before Heather took in a stressful yet angrily sigh.

The game screen soon turned into dark green and showed shadows running towards the screen, indicating that it was siloulette versions of Batman and Robin.

"Ick, looks like an oil painting and amounts of semen coming to life in shadow form..." Heather spoke as she was a little disgusted.

After that was over, the Batman symbol appeared on the screen and the words "FOREVER" appeared inside the logo.

"Ooooh, 'Forever'. I guess they didn't bother including the words Batman in the title." Justin replied clearly, "I guess they really want this game to be called 'Forever'. It's like calling the Full House TV Show just 'House', but I guess they didn't want nothing to do with the TV show about a crazy, druggie doctor played by Hugh Laurie."

"Definitely..." Heather replied as she wen't on with the instructions of the game. "Okay, you nads. The instructions of the game is simple, there's 1 player and Co-op mode, and you either have the distinction of playing Batman which is portrayed by pre-fat Val Kilmer or Robin, portrayed by 'NCIS: Los Angeles' star Chris O'Donnell. That's all I can say. Normally, we would spend all of this little review going through level by level, but since we decided to save the rest of you fuck-brains the humiliation, we'll only go through one level."

"Yeah, normally the movie of this was actually pretty good, despite the fact that it's equally colorful, it follows Robin's origin pretty well, and not to mention that Jim Carrey was equally funny as The Riddler. So I give this movie an A-OK." Justin said with an acceptable nod, but soon had a serious tone to his voice, "But I just shudder to see what the shitty game did to this good movie and all. But we'll see how Harold does."

As Harold soon finished picking his gadgets from the gadget selection screen, the Batcomputer was giving him instructions on what first level he was going to. So Harold was reading the instructions altogether.

"Okay, it reads this, 'Two-Face has a staged a breakout from Arkham! Has freed inmates to cover his escape. Backup needed immediately to subdue inmate riot and restore order.' Sounds easy enough, Batman's got this in the bag! GOSH!" Harold exclaimed as he turned right to both Justin and Heather in his grunting voice, "I'm Batman!"

"I keep telling you, you're not fucking Batman..." Heather spoke to Harold with her teeth gritting.

The game finally displayed the first stage which was Arkham Asylum. The 32-bit models of Batman and Robin looked pretty corny to be exact. Batman as a 32-bit model looked really impressive while the 32-bit Robin looked so much like ass. It wasn't like the other awesome hard metal Robin outfit made in the movie. He looked more like the 60's Robin, but only if his costume was made by a 8 year old with night blindness.

"What the holy goat-shit is that?" Heather spoke in surprise of seeing a crappy 32-bit version of Robin, "Robin looks like a poorly drawn Mexican wrestler with a jockstrap over his head!"

"I guess that's what the guys in Nintendo wanted to go for. Shitty green jockstraps that looks like masks." Justin chuckled a bit.

Harold's Batman character and Robin soon made work of the baddie known as Mad Jake when they double teamed him with sweeping kicks and uppercuts. It was very Mortal Kombat-like. So unimpressive for a beat-'em-up.

"Okay, since what kind of beat-em-up has the same control scheme as Mortal Kombat?" Justin complained due to the fact that he was turned off by the fighting gameplay, "Back then, all beat-em-ups involved multiple punches and kicks and so far all we get is crappy low punches and low kicks and uppercuts the same as any good Mortal Kombat game? Okay, my excellent abs are turned off by this."

Both Batman and Robin on the game screen went to approach a metal door, which was totally blown up in an explosion. This caused another one of Two-Face's inmates, which was named Mad Ned, to totally attack them, but Batman was ready.

"Okay, dickwad! Prepare to suck your own ass courtesy of Batman! GOSH!" Harold exclaimed as his character crouched down and started to give out low kicks to the baddie. It was working out so far as Mad Ned went down for the count.

Batman soon got out of his way and noticed that there was a opening on the top screen. So Batman needed to find way to scale up top using his grappling hook. So Harold just decided to mash buttons and jump the best way he can, knowing truthfully that Harold had never even played this game for a while, or perhaps that it was his first time.

"Dang, how high do I really have to go fucking up there?" Harold responded angrily as he kept jumping in efforts that he could get enough height to reach and move on.

"Geez, I don't know, Harold... maybe you should press select and then up?" Heather said with a sarcastic shrug.

"Huh, never knew about that..." Harold replied cluelessly.

"If you really played this game Harold, then how far did you really make it in this game despite the fact you couldn't use a crap-fuck grappling hook?" Justin added with an eyebrow raised to his perfect face.

"I don't really know, this was far as I got. I was hardly 5 years old when I played this game." Harold replied to them as he was still jumping, trying to reach the opening from the top screen.

"Wow, you really live an ass-less life, I swear..." Heather replied as she rolled his eyes.

"Only on Sundays." Harold added as he somehow learned what Heather said to him not too long ago on how to use the grappling hook. Select and B. So when he finally used it, Batman finally went up. "Hey, I'm finally doing it! Finally, about 14 years of trying, I have conquered the grappling hook."

"Yeah, and next, you'll conquer on how to raise the toilet seat!" Heather exclaimed with a chuckle as she was once again taunting Harold. The nerd soon turned to her and went on his Batman phase.

"I'll shall never forget this, cause I'm BATMAAAAAAN!" Harold said in his Batman grunt as he looked at the game screen in which it went pitch black.

The words 'Hold On' displayed on the screen as the game appeared to be loading. This was interesting, considering that loading screens were only compatible with consoles that either had the words 'Playstation', 'XBox', or 'Wii' on the label.

"_'Hold On'_... Since when did Super Nintendo ever have a game which loads? The kind of loads this game needs to have is the ones that are brown, steamy, shitty, and just burnt to death, period!" Heather exclaimed madly as the game stopped loading.

The game screen revealed to have taken place outside as Batman and Robin both popped on screen again. They were now in the rooftops of Arkham Asylum itself or at least some kind of metallic bridge. Whatever it was, Batman and Robin proceeded to move on before a baddie by the name of "Ripper" came out of the skies and tried to land right on Batman. Scared, Harold jumped a bit from his seat and just surprised him with a nice punch to the face which sent him down.

"Ahhh! Dang, man! That scared me!" Harold exclaimed as he kept punching him like crazy hoping that he finally went down. And to his luck, he finally did go down, which caused Robin to make quick work of Mad Jake as well. As soon as they finally beat down their opponents easily, they reached the end of the metallic bridge in which there was a dead end. "Damn! A dead end? I can't ever seem to move on further in this game when there's a dead end? What kind of meat-brained shithead made this poor pitiful excuse of a movie based game? Idiot!"

Both Batman and Robin kept wandering around looking for somewhere else to go. Harold tried using his grappling hook to at least go up, but it just wasn't doing any good. Seeing that this was pointless, Heather and Justin started to look very sleepy having Harold wander all around in this metallic bridge.

"Justin, you got the remote...?" Heather said to the Eye Candy wearily.

"Way ahead of ya, Heather..." Justin spoke wearily as well, as he started to press the fast forward button which made the entire game speed up twice as fast.**  
**

A few minutes later, Justin finally pressed the play button, and it still showed Harold just being lost in the metallic bridge. To add injury to insult, Heather was now falling right asleep. Seeing this, Justin felt a bit angry and snapped a little bit at the ubernerd who felt a bit lost.

"Geez, Harold! You're still lost on that level?" Justin said with a stressing headache.

"I don't know where to go, Justin! I'm lost just like a puppy with his balls cut off!" Harold exclaimed in tears a little.

"Harold, why don't you just go back to the door and punch it down? Will that solve your problem?" Justin responded as he giving Harold some advice.

"Hmmmm, I'll try." Harold said as he turned around to the metal door and then punched it single-handedly which finally found an opening, "Oh, there it is! Thanks, Justin!"

"Yeah, glad that I could help..." Justin replied with a murmur. Seeing Harold wander around some more now started to make Justin sleepier than ever. So to pass the time, Justin started to press the fast forward button on the time-lapse remote again, just to see how far Harold would actually get from here. So far with the select button that Harold's been using, he's been doing mightily impressive. He managed to make it all the way through what seems to be a boiler room. Justin finally pressed play, and saw Harold starting to feel really excited as the words that Justin and Heather used on him were finally started to pay off. He learned how to use the grappling hook and learned how to drop down. But somehow, Batman was being ganged up from behind by an evil engineer.

"How dare you sneak me up from behind!" Harold said in his Batman voice as he began to punch back at the evil engineer, "I'm Batmaaaaan!"

"For the last time, you are not fuckin' Batman!" Both Heather and Justin said out to him in their sleep.

Seeing that both Heather and Justin were already tired of this boring, senseless gameplay, Justin decided to look at the camera, and despite being tired enough to want to go to sleep, he gave out his final thoughts of the game.

"Look, I'm sorry for this, but knowing the way of Harold playing a god-awfully piece of Bat-shit based on a really okay Batman movie in which you end up being lost for the entire time on a level, makes someone drowsy enough to go to sleep." Justin sighed in distress, "So far, the music of this game sounds a bit okay, the graphics are a little bit impressive, despite Robin looking like someone wearing a pissy green gonch on his head, but the gameplay is just nonsense. A fighting engine with resembles too much like Mortal Kombat should not belong in a Batman game, plain and simple. So my brain's turned off, my good looks are turned off, Val Kilmer is turned off, Chris O'Donnell is turned off, the whole entire state of Canada is turned off, and now, me and Heather are about to turn in for the night, because we give Batman Forever, 2 out of 5 stars. The game sucked back then and it fucking sucks forever! I'm done!"

Angrily and depressed, Justin and Heather soon got up their couches and started to walk away from Harold's basement as the nerd paused the game and looked right at them.

"Hey, guys... where are you going? I thought you we're gonna stay and see me beat this level for the first time!" Harold exclaimed to them as Heather turned right around.

"Screw the level. The game is making us and everyone fall asleep. That's why it's horrible enough for me to skip out on this game." Heather replied as she now walked out.

"Yeah, this game is a total sausage-sucking smoozefest." Justin replied as well, "Have fun playing a sleepy shit-bomb of trash such as this..."

As Justin walked out, Harold turned away from them and refocused right on the game.

"Okay, you evil retarded mechanics! You should never crossed Batman and Robin like this, because when the trouble begins, the ass-kissing begins, prepare... to feel... the taste... of..." Harold said as his eyes began to doze off a bit from the tiring gameplay of the first stage itself. He was so weary from getting lost that it finally forced Harold to go to sleep instantly. "Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz..."

This left Batman and Robin in a forzen state as an evil engineer began to hit away at them until both Batman and Robin's meter depleted to zero, which caused the Dynamic Duo to become knocked out indefinitely.

And then, in a weird moment, the evil engineer came up to the knocked out Batman and Robin, only to squat down on both of their heads, and let out an huge gaseous fart to their faces. Totally an insult to injury if Harold ever saw one, but knowing that he was now sleeping due to the entire length of gameplay in this game, he didn't. What a weird ending to this review, indeed.

* * *

**It's a good thing I never played Batman Forever for the Super Nintendo, because I assume I would indeed get lost in the first level.**

**I'll tell you once and I'll tell you again, the movie was awesome but the game sucks balls. Enough said.**

**Okay, broski, which game you want the trio to review next?**

**The Texas Chainsaw Massacre for the Atari 2600**

**or**

**Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde for the Nintendo Entertainment System**

**Vote, read and review everybody! *imitating the 1960 Batman TV theme* Duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh, Duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh BATMAAAAAAAAAAN!**


	7. Ch 7: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre

**"Justin, Heather and Harold Review Bad Video Games!"  
**

**Rated M for Very Strong Language  
**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Total Drama series or anything that's associated with the Angry Video Game Nerd. Just so you know, Harold will play the game and Heather and Justin will commentate on what's going on.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 7: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre**

It was once again game searching time. But this time, Harold finally got a break from the game-playing and managed to have Justin search for a game to review in Harold's game closet.

"Let's see... what do we have next?" Justin replied as he flicked through each game without even looking. Somehow, his well-built hand came up upon a copy of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre for the Atari 2600. He looked right at it dead-on. "Wow, looks like another game based on a movie."

"Basically, I have no idea what's up with movie-based video games. They all just suck like diarrhea dump." Heather replied as she sipped on her Mountain Dew Kickstart, and not to mention she was sitting with Harold.

"Well, you'll never know until you play it." Harold replied as Justin inserted the game cartridge on the Atari console. He turned it right on instantly in which there was a blank black screen. The words "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" appeared in red, just flashing it over and over again.

"Well, there's the title screen. I'm certain someone had to come up with this annoying introduction..." Justin sighed as he felt a little tired of the sound that was making whenever the words faded away. "Sounds like an unattractive robot taking a sonic dump."

And then game screen displayed an 8-bit Leatherface in which he was colored blue, was tan-skinned and was sporting a flattop. Justin sorta reacted a bit weirdly.

"Okay, since when on earth did Leatherface look like that? He looks like Ernie from Sesame Street but only dressed in blue. He doesn't even come close to looking like Leatherface." Justin explained a bit, "From what I remember in the movie, the only thing Leatherface wore was just a black tuxedo and a mask made of Leather. Is that were games based on horror films was back then?"

"Must be from one of those suckbrains who thought every game based on horror films should be kid friendly. What's next? Have Bert from Sesame Street as Jason Voorhees where his only weapon is a plastic baseball bat instead of a machete?" Heather replied with an eyebrow raised.

"I'm certain that would suck pickle shit down a dog's throat. GOSH!" Harold exclaimed as Justin started to look at that weird 8-bit chainsaw that the 8-bit Leatherface was holding.

"Okay, is that really supposed to be a chainsaw?" Justin responded as he raised an eyebrow at that object and smirked. "That looks more like if he grew a penis out of his own stomach. I tell you, my perfect insides would vomit from that image. But I choose not too because puking a gallon-full would feel unhealthy to my body."

"And I couldn't care even less if it did..." Heather replied looking a bit tiredsome as she drank more of her Mountain Dew Kickstart.

The game screen displayed Leatherface as he was standing all across the woods which had a little farm alongside a little truck alongside with more objects such as a wheelchair and a fence. Justin's character started moving forward and there, he approached a bystander who was trying to run away from him.

"Ohhhh no you don't! Get back here!" Justin exclaimed as 8-bit Leatherface was trying to get to the scared bystander at a close range, but strangely, the bystander went right behind him as if there was something of a glitch included in the game. "What? How in the heck can he get behind me? I almost had him until he just Nightcrawler'd me!"

"Nice to see you getting schooled by a kid who's quicker than you." Heather chuckled a bit having to see Justin fail at a game like this.

"We'll see who's quicker than who! Get back here!" Justin exclaimed angrily at the game screen as he was trying to chase the bystander all around. This felt like a few minutes to be exact, "Almost there! Almost there...!"

And then finally, Leatherface finally spliced the poor girl's head clean off, which forced her body upside down.

"Finally, I got her!" Justin exclaimed as he felt too much beat just catching her all around. "She couldn't get away from Leatherface for long that's for sure."

"Yeah, and look how much fuel you lost trying to catch her and such. GOSH!" Harold exclaimed as Justin looked up to the fuel bar.

"Wait a minute? There's a fuel bar in this game?" Justin said as his eyes felt a little popped open. He looked at the fuel bar because it was to only power the chainsaw. He wouldn't even want to know what happens if the whole meter went all the way down to 0. "Eh, never to worry. A model like me and Leatherface never runs out of fuel! Okay, time to slice more heads off!"**  
**

Leatherface then took his eyes on another helpless bystander and started to chase her around.

"You know, when you kill them, the rest of their bodies go upside down?" Heather replied as he realized of how an enemy dies in the game, "It's like somebody trying to stick their head in the dirt just so they could feel shame. It's so sad that I like it!"

"Not as sad as this fugly's gonna be in a minute!" Justin exclaimed as he couldn't wait for Leatherface to make a roasted pig out of the girl just running. He was coming in close after her, "Okay, this time... I'm gonna do it! I'm gonna do it! She's going down, Justin-style! Aaaaaaaand...!"

But before Leatherface can finally get close to her and raise his chainsaw, the screen went blank for some reason.

"What? What happened? Did the game crash?" Justin reacted a little bit before the screen showed a girl getting right behind Leatherface.

And then suddenly, the girl came right behind him and kicked Leatherface right in the ass.

"Did she? Did she just kick me right in the butt? What kind of stupid ending was that?" Justin reacted as he looked right to Heather.

"Look, for somebody like you with the brain of a high-heeled shoe, let me explain something to you. The reason the game turned to black and you got your ass kicked, pun intended, was because your fuel meter ran out!" Heather exclaimed to Justin, who was explaining to him, The chainsaw you used was draining out your fuel! The more time you use it, it drains a lot of fuel. Because you wasted too many time trying to chase down that girly bastard, you lost a lot of fuel, which now results in ending the game automatically! Maybe if you quit using your chainsaw for a little while, you'll get your fuel back again. But alas, you never listen to me so, you got kicked in the ass really fucking bad."

And then, Justin looked right at the video game screen where he gripped his controller very angry.

"Why didn't no one tell me that fuel was for the chainsaw? I always thought it was for running only!" Justin exclaimed. "This whole gameplay is so boring to me! It makes me form wrinkles, it makes my eyelids burn and worst of all, this game makes me look unattractive! Who in the heck makes a fuel meter in this game. Heck, this game wouldn't been more fun if they just get rid of the fuel meter and just hack and slash whoever you want to! And these Nightcrawler-transforming scared little girls make me hurl! Heck, it even makes my abs, legs, neck, chest, and my eyes hurl! I had enough Texas Chainsaw Massacre for a day. I'm giving this crappy-assed buzzkill 1.5 out of 5 stars! Heather, give me my chainsaw!"

Justin then took the game right out and set it right on the table as Heather gave Justin a chainsaw from the actual movie.

"Harold, my mask. I gotta make sure my beautiful face doesn't get hit by shrapnel."

"Here you go!" Harold exclaimed as Justin gave him a football helmet with a visor just to protect himself.

Justin readied the chainsaw and just feeling its violent vibration. And then, just like a sword-wielding warrior, Justin raised the chainsaw down...

...and sliced the "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" game cartridge in half! It was no left in unholy pieces with no chance in hell.

"I so love this thing right here..." Justin smirked right to Harold and Heather as he raised his chainsaw in victory, "Maybe I might use it for Thanksgiving."

"Well, whatever you do, don't get any turkey shrapnel all over me or else somebody's gonna lose a dick!" Heather exclaimed as he threatened both Justin and Harold as they both left.

"I shudder to think of that..." Harold shuddered a bit before he turned the lights off and closed the door behind them, therefore ending another crappy game review. Oh, how Leatherface could feel the shame indeed...

* * *

**Wow, that game was a massacre at best and I'm glad the Atari 2600 isn't around. This is the 2010's now, baby!**

**Ok, enough of the chainsaw! Which game do you want Justin, Heather and Harold to review next:**

**The Three Stooges on the NES**

**or**

**American Gladiators on the Sega Genesis**

**Until then loyal gamers, read and review!**


End file.
